Dear Anna, Paul and Lucy,
We were having a quiet family night tonight and Anna wanted to listen to some music. Her favorite song of the moment is "Beat It" by Michael Jackson, and since we were already listening to MJ, Daddy put on "I'll Be There." I've heard this song a hundred times before, and I've always loved it, but as I watched Anna dance to it, and felt Paul and Lucy bounce around in my tummy throughout, I heard the lyrics in a new way that I've never noticed before.
I'll reach out my hand to you
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name, and I'll be there
For the first time, the song didn't sound like a love song to me, at least, not in the traditional sense. I heard it this time as a message, or more like a promise, from a parent to their child. I heard every word as if I was saying them to the three of you, and I knew that I had found a new song to listen to when I need reminding on the kind of mother I want to be for you.
I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength
I'll keep holding on
There are going to be days when I drive you nuts. There are going to be days when you drive me nuts. These days may coincide from time to time, and we may all become a little bit nuts. However, nuts or no nuts, we are a family, and I will always, always be there for each of you. I will give every part of myself that I can to keep you safe, happy and loved. I will hold you in my arms when you need it and I will let you go when you need that, too. I will let you test your boundaries and help you discover right from wrong, and sometimes this will mean that I will be your disciplinarian. But whether I am correcting you for a misstep or praising you for a job well done, I am always in your corner and I will always have your back.
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that's all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you with an unselfish love I respect you
Just call my name and I'll be there
The other night, I asked your Daddy if he ever wished that he hadn't invited me back into his life 7 years ago or so. He was living in a house close to the ocean in Manhattan Beach, had a job he enjoyed and was living the bachelorhood dream of so many young men. I wondered if he wouldn't rather still be out there, or if he ever wished that he had followed a more lucrative path than the one that our lives have taken him on. He looked at me like I was crazy, and said that no, he didn't regret a single choice. Tonight, while he sat on the couch with my feet on his lap, we watched Anna dance and play with a little ballerina doll that she got for Christmas. My stomach was active as it tends to be at night (Paul and Lucy- are you destined to be soccer players?), and Daddy looked at me and said, "What amount of riches could I possibly wish for in exchange for all of this?" It made my eyes well up with tears. We have such a lovely little family, and I look forward to our adventures together with much more excitement than trepidation. I know that your Daddy feels the same way that I do, and if you ever need anything...anything at all...
Just look over your shoulders, honey.
